11 Jokes for Hunters and Anglers
Everyone needs a laugh now and then. Today is National Tell a Joke Day, so to honor the occasion, we gathered a few of our favorite jokes for hunters and anglers.
From one-liners to long-form gags, these knee-slappers were rounded up at the recommendation of fellow outdoor enthusiasts, and a few were adapted from posts on Reddit’s /r/jokes. Be sure to share one on your next hunting or fishing excursion.
1. Pet Fish
A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act.
“You’re going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket,” the game warden says.
“But, officer, I didn’t catch these. They’re my pet fish, and I just bring them here to swim. When they’re done, they jump back into the bucket.”
“Oh really? This I’ve got to see. If you can prove it, I’ll let you go.”
The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens. The game warden asks, “So where are the fish?”
The fisherman replies, “What fish?”
2. Moose Hunting
Two hunters chartered a small plane to take them into the wilderness for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag six moose. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the small plane could carry only four.
The two hunters objected. “Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all, and he had the same kind of plane as yours.”
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while they were attempting to cross the mountains, the little plane gave out under the heavy load and went down.
Somehow both hunters survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, one asked the other, “Any idea where we are?”
The other replied, “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year!”
3. Side of Venison
Q: Which side of a deer has the most meat?
A: The inside.
4. The Voice
An ice fisherman drills a hole in the ice. Suddenly, a loud voice from above says, “There are no fish down there.”
The angler moves a few yards away and drills another hole.
Again the voice says, louder this time, “There are no fish down there.”
He moves even farther away and drills one more hole, but the voice booms, “THERE ARE NO FISH DOWN THERE.”
The fisherman looks up. “God, is that you?”
“No,” says the voice, “it’s the rink manager.”
5. The Science of Hunting
A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are out hunting together when they spot a deer.
The physicist calculates the velocity of the deer and the effect of gravity on the bullet, aims his rifle and fires. Alas, he misses; the bullet passes three feet behind the deer.
The deer bolts, but comes to a halt still within sight of the trio.
“Shame you missed,” says the engineer, “but of course with an ordinary gun, one would expect that.” He then levels his special deer-hunting gun, which he rigged together from an ordinary rifle, a sextant, a compass, a barometer, and a bunch of flashing lights which don’t do anything but impress onlookers, and fires. Alas, his bullet passes three feet in front of the deer, who by this time wises up and vanishes for good.
“Well,” says the physicist, “your contraption didn’t work either.”
“What do you mean?” pipes up the mathematician. “Between the two of you, that was a perfect shot!”
Three hunters find a set of tracks in the woods.
The first hunter says, “Hey guys, I think these are elk tracks!”
The second one says, “No, I’m pretty sure these are wolf tracks.”
Before the third one can say anything, they’re all hit by the train coming down the tracks.
7. Blind and Lame
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye deer.
8. The Old Fisherman
It was raining hard, and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
“Fishing,” replied the old man.
“Poor old chap,” thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, “And how many have you caught today?”
“You’re the eighth.”
A hunter loses his way. Finally, he crosses paths with another hunter. “Boy, am I glad to see you! I’ve been lost for hours.”
“That’s nothing,” the other hunter replies. “I’ve been lost for a week!”
10. Hooked on Tunes
Q: What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
A: Something catchy.
11. The Hunter Who Didn’t Care
There was once a hunter who didn’t care.
The hunter who didn’t care went into the woods and bagged many animals to sell for furs—many more animals than he was legally allowed. All because he didn’t care.
He bagged every animal that was in season, and then many that weren’t. But of course he didn’t care.
He left his trash all over the woods, and his shell casings too, all because he didn’t care.
Eventually the game warden found him and began berating him. But the hunter did not care. Getting nowhere, the game warden offered him a deal. “If you give me a bear fur, a raccoon fur, a deer fur, and a fox fur, I’ll overlook this and let you go. But if not, I’ll take you to jail.”
The hunter didn’t care whether he lost a few furs, so he agreed. He skinned a bear, a raccoon, and a deer, and gave the warden the furs.
But alas, he still went to jail, because the hunter who didn’t care had no fox to give.